Put Me to Sleep

Today was my second school day after Christmas. Or just holidays. It's not so bad as I thought, but it's still strange. Like a kind of dream, not bad. It feels like when you know you're dreaming and that's why you feel nothing makes sense at all, but you keep on living it.

I've thought through a lot of things today. When I woke up it was snowing, and here, that's sort of a miracle. It never snows here, and suddenly, snowflakes were flying all around and the ground was shining, all white. All my mates were excited, but not in the same way as me. They were begging to go out of class and play with it. I didn't want to play. I just wanted to sit near to the window glancing at the sky, the snowflakes dancing and then falling, becoming part of the ground quietly. It was a breathing landscape, now I understand why winter in poetry  means death. But it's a beautiful death, the Earth is resting, she has forgave you and you feel relief. However, in ten minutes we were allowed to go outside, and then my relief was turned into a grey filthy water flowing towards ice remains. Pace was broken by footsteps. Going home the streets were covered by salt, shining in the dirty puddles. The snow left was black and almost melted. There was a kid making a troll with the snow in the top of a car. Sky was white still.

I feel like a snow day, and you should too. Suddenly, it starts snowing and all the people are dancing happily, wishing to go outside. You turn into something beautiful, you try your best to be marvelous, to remind people life's such a miracle. You are full of feelings and metaphors. You are overwhelming just to make they feel overwhelmed. But they don't. They just want to use you. They stain you when they step on you. They undo you when they play. They heat you until you can't bear it anymore. Then, when you are over, they forget about you and all you did. You remain on the floor, broken and filthy, with nowhere to go. When they look at you, they hate you. You're not useless anymore, the footsteps have turned you into a dangerous thing, so they throw salt on your injuries to make sure you're not going back.

Do you understand why you are a snow day?



Btw, I'm seriously stupid, and I'm going to repeat a test which I passed because a month ago I thought I could get a better mark, but I don't have even read it. Wish me luck, gonna need it.


Thanks for reading ^^

Hey hey

Today is the Three Wise Kings day. And it's very popular in Spain. It's like Christmas but instead of an old happy man in red which goes into your house and puts presents under the Christmas tree, you have three kings coming from the East who give you presents by putting them inside your shoes. When I was young we celebrated it, but now nobody comes at night. Sometimes that's a relief, because I can be awake until 3 or 4 in the morning without being scared about them, but I miss the days when the Tooth Fairy and friends were real, and the world revolved around you and what you desired.

Then you grow up and you become one more adult in that world, and you start revolving around others which doesn't even know. But I don't want to go back, to start over everything again. And I don't want to be here right now. It's kind of frustrating, I don't know what I want, but I know what I hate, and that's my everyday. I want to escape from my reality, like the name of one of my fav groups (before Ronnie left), "escape the fate", yes, I wanna escape! From my house, from this place, from my mind... I want to find Tyler from Fight Club and beg him to stay at his place, and then become to be real, to feel myself and not just wishes and reminiscences from days where I barely remember what I felt.

Life is unfair, but I guess all of us know that.

Hi!

I'm sorry. I've been off these days working on my new folder. My old one broke and I had a new blank space to fill with my ideas and opinions. For me, that means customising it. I wish I could say to the limits, but I've just stuck some images which I think they can describe me. There are pieces of my favourite lyrics, fragments of books and pictures like Rosie the Riveter, the girl which says "We Can Do It!". And OK, I've stuck some draws of Fall Out Boy, The White Stripes or Panic at the disco. 

I've seen the other folders. They are full of photos of their owners. Very pathetic photos, in my opinion. Because it's obvious that they're posing. Fake smiles under a plastic cover. What do they want to say? What do they want to demonstrate? That they're happy and funny and successful? If they were, why should they care about who knows? I'd rather speak myself.